I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHTFive out of four people have trouble with fractions.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
STEVEN WRIGHT






