There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHTFive out of four people have trouble with fractions.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
STEVEN WRIGHT