Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHTFive out of four people have trouble with fractions.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHT