Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
STEVEN WRIGHTFive out of four people have trouble with fractions.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT