How come abbreviated is such a long word?
STEVEN WRIGHTYou know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHT






