There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHTYou know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHT