I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
STEVEN WRIGHTAlways remember your unique, just like everyone else.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT






