I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHTAlways remember your unique, just like everyone else.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
STEVEN WRIGHT