All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
STEVE MARTINDon’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.
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I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.
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How many people have never raised their hand before?
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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.
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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
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I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
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It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
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Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled.
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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It’s pain that changes our lives.
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You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
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I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
STEVE MARTIN