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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

Steve Martin

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.
STEVE MARTIN

Criticize Himself Man Walk Way Yourself
Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
STEVE MARTIN

Kiss Man Sex Start Talk Yourself
I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
STEVE MARTIN

Day Life Myself Past Present
There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
STEVE MARTIN

Need People Relationship Soul Mate Yourself
Some people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.
STEVE MARTIN

Choice People Way Word
There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
STEVE MARTIN

Break Up Cheating Herself Myself Woman
Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled.
STEVE MARTIN

Different Evolution Human Walk
No art comes from the conscious mind.
STEVE MARTIN

Art Conscience Mindset One Liner
Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
STEVE MARTIN

Alcohol Drink Poet Team Writing
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
STEVE MARTIN

Destruction Funny Philosophy
Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
STEVE MARTIN

Different Goodness Myself People Promise Talk Unique
Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
STEVE MARTIN

Boy Different Language Word
I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
STEVE MARTIN

Drink Myself Price Try
I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language… Apache.
STEVE MARTIN

Believe Foreign Freedom Liberty Myself Rule
The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
STEVE MARTIN

Greatness Hard Work Inspirational Surprise Yourself
I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.
STEVE MARTIN

Appearance Eat Exercise Funny Myself Right

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

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