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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

Steve Martin

A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
STEVE MARTIN

Carry Father Himself Money Photograph Sadness
All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
STEVE MARTIN

Honesty Myself Pay Work
With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.
STEVE MARTIN

Audience Comedy Goodness Greatness Ideas Response Work Yourself
Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
STEVE MARTIN

Different Goodness Myself People Promise Talk Unique
There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
STEVE MARTIN

Need People Relationship Soul Mate Yourself
I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language… Apache.
STEVE MARTIN

Believe Foreign Freedom Liberty Myself Rule
Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.
STEVE MARTIN

Criticize Himself Man Walk Way Yourself
It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.
STEVE MARTIN

Appearance Body Count Self Love Worth
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
STEVE MARTIN

Beautiful Believe Money Myself Natural Sex
It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
STEVE MARTIN

Philosophy Thinking Yourself
I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.
STEVE MARTIN

Book Funny Myself
I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
STEVE MARTIN

Animal Funny Goodness Important Laughter Learning Myself Sex
You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
STEVE MARTIN

Appearance Funny Myself Sex Woman Yourself
Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
STEVE MARTIN

Boy Different Language Word
Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
STEVE MARTIN

Kiss Man Sex Start Talk Yourself
Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
STEVE MARTIN

Greatness Inspirational Motivational Persistence Talent Thankful

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

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