I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language… Apache.
STEVE MARTINSome people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
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Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.
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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.
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Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
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Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.
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It’s pain that changes our lives.
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It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.
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I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.
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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.
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Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
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It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
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Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
STEVE MARTIN