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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.

Steve Martin

I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
STEVE MARTIN

Cook Fire Hairs Match Mischief Myself Start
Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
STEVE MARTIN

Appearance Business Perspective Teach
I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language… Apache.
STEVE MARTIN

Believe Foreign Freedom Liberty Myself Rule
There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
STEVE MARTIN

Break Up Cheating Herself Myself Woman
Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
STEVE MARTIN

Kiss Man Sex Start Talk Yourself
When I die, now don’t think that I’m a nut, don’t want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.
STEVE MARTIN

Death Myself Thinking
Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it’s almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.
STEVE MARTIN

Act Actor Collaboration Team Work Yourself
You can’t really conduct your life by one or two phrases.
STEVE MARTIN

Life Yourself
I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
STEVE MARTIN

Deep Emotion Happiness Myself Sad Time
You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
STEVE MARTIN

Appearance Funny Myself Sex Woman Yourself
Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.
STEVE MARTIN

Alone Break Up Connection Deep Herself Himself Moments Night Relationship Thinking
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
STEVE MARTIN

Believe Equality Myself Stupidity
The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
STEVE MARTIN

Greatness Hard Work Inspirational Surprise Yourself
I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.
STEVE MARTIN

Appearance Eat Exercise Funny Myself Right
I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
STEVE MARTIN

Animal Funny Goodness Important Laughter Learning Myself Sex
How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
STEVE MARTIN

Money Wealth

I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.

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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.

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