I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.
STEVE MARTINI could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.
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I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.
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With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.
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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
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It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.
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Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
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How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
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I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.
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It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
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Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
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Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.
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The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
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No art comes from the conscious mind.
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All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
STEVE MARTIN