Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
SPIKE MILLIGANMany people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGAN