Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
SPIKE MILLIGANMany people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






