I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
SPIKE MILLIGANMany people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






