Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
SPIKE MILLIGANA sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN