Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
SPIKE MILLIGANAristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
SPIKE MILLIGAN