Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
SPIKE MILLIGANAristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






