My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGANAristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
SPIKE MILLIGAN