Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
SPIKE MILLIGANAristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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I told you I was sick.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






