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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.

Rodney Dangerfield

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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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Family Found Look Nap Tree Was
My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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All Antier Chocolate Cook Got Mae Mouse Stuck Throat Wife
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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Back Car Drive Want Wife
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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Arm Bone Dog Favorite My
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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Everyone Fruit Hear Met Morning Ridiculous Underwear Yet
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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Each Other Every Goe never Night Nothing Psychiatrist Right Seen Sex Wife

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