My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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