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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Rodney Dangerfield

Related Topics

Bartender Plumber Psychiatrist See Seen Told Truth Wife

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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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Bath Hate Parent Radio Toast Toy
My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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All Antier Chocolate Cook Got Mae Mouse Stuck Throat Wife
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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Cigarette General Met Offer Surgeon
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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Crazy Opinion Psychiatrist Said Second
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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Frink Last Much Olive Sample Time Too
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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Cheat Good Goodness Kid Look Me Wife
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Ask How Big People Pet Store Work
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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Get Honest No Politician Respect Run
I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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Come Drink Go Juice Prune Take Viagra
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Honest Luck Politician Run Way
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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Fight Full Hope Man Reform Seventy Still Twenty Want
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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Being Do Draw Men Most Thing Told Wage
My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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Ben Big Clock Country Cousin Find Gay
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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Country Dog Every Leave Pyramid Room Some
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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Halloween Kind Life Look Parent Sent

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