I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhat a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD