At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhat a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD