Humor Quotes

When it comes to racism, you hear people say, “I don’t care if people are white, black, purple or green.” Hold on, now, purple or green? Come on now, you gotta draw the line somewhere.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

We’ve got to have a little humor in our lives. You had better take seriously that which should be taken seriously but, at the same time, we can bring in a touch of humor now and again. If the time ever comes when we can’t smile at ourselves, it will be a sad time.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

I suppose I miss the British cynicism and the humor.

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.

When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.

I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.