Funny Quotes
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Groucho MarxGroucho Marx During my school days, I was doing a play, and my costume fell on the stage. I really wish it didn’t happen.
Virat KohliVirat Kohli If I were straight and I were trying to seduce a woman, I could do it just by standing up at the table when she came back from the bathroom. It works. Every time I do that, all the straight men are sitting at the table and their wives are kicking them. “Look at that!” “You never do that for me!”
Tom FordTom Ford One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
Groucho MarxGroucho Marx Marrying an old bachelor is like buying second-hand furniture.
H. Jackson Brown Jr.H. Jackson Brown Jr. Freedom of press is limited to those who own one.
H. L. MenckenH. L. Mencken Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
Spike MilliganSpike Milligan Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life.
Dorothy ParkerDorothy Parker I find it so funny that people find me interesting.
Britney SpearsBritney Spears One fool can ask more questions in a minute than 12 wise men can answer in an hour.
Vladimir LeninVladimir Lenin There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
Will RogersWill Rogers Don’t be something you’re not. Unless you can be a fabulous unicorn. Always be a fabulous unicorn.
PewDiePiePewDiePie Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.
Will RogersWill Rogers The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Steven WrightSteven Wright