Funny Quotes

Yeah Ernie, its called defense, I mean I wouldn’t know anything about it personally but I’ve heard about it through the grapevine.

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

It’s funny: I don’t listen to too much rap. I don’t listen to too much older hip-hop. If I do, it’s Ja Rule.

We must be allowed to insult each other.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

If more government is the answer, then it was a really stupid question.

I’m a giraffe. I even walk like a giraffe with a long neck and legs. It’s a pretty dumb animal, mind you.

When I sell liquor, it’s bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it’s hospitality.

I’m smart and I can be really funny and interesting and I can go toe-to-toe with anybody in a conversation.

I had once thought I would become a doctor but gave up on the thought soon enough. I took up the racquet instead. Later, when I saw my sister studying so much to become a doctor, I was like, ‘Thank God I am a shuttler!’