Funny Quotes
[On the ringing of her doorbell or telephone:] What fresh hell is this?
Dorothy ParkerDorothy Parker Beer may cause you to digress and lead a happier life.
Michael JacksonMichael Jackson The telephone will be used to inform people that a telegram has been sent.
Alexander Graham BellAlexander Graham Bell My toughest fight was with my first wife.
Muhammad AliMuhammad Ali A lot of the things I say I’m just trying to be funny. I don’t really mean everything I say, because I’m not totally that airhead.
Paris HiltonParis Hilton Bores can be divided into two classes; those who have their own particular subject, and those who do not need a subject.
A. A. MilneA. A. Milne If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
George Bernard ShawGeorge Bernard Shaw Only person I’m scared of fighting is Paris Hilton.
Jake PaulJake Paul I don’t care what you say, so don’t even speak.
Lil WayneLil Wayne Always drink upstream from the herd.
Will RogersWill Rogers Whenever I’m sick, my doctor jokes that I have Beiber Fever!
Justin BieberJustin Bieber The only stupid thing about words is the spelling of them.
Laura Ingalls WilderLaura Ingalls Wilder The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg Not that smart. Not that hot. Not that nice. Not that funny. That’s me: I’m not that.
John GreenJohn Green When I’m not longer rapping, I want to open up an ice cream parlor and call myself Scoop Dogg.
Snoop DoggSnoop Dogg