Funny Quotes
Only person I’m scared of fighting is Paris Hilton.
Jake PaulJake Paul Not that smart. Not that hot. Not that nice. Not that funny. That’s me: I’m not that.
John GreenJohn Green When I’m not longer rapping, I want to open up an ice cream parlor and call myself Scoop Dogg.
Snoop DoggSnoop Dogg It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.
Lucille BallLucille Ball The only stupid thing about words is the spelling of them.
Laura Ingalls WilderLaura Ingalls Wilder The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FieldsW. C. Fields I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.
Dalai LamaDalai Lama Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho MarxGroucho Marx I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
Groucho MarxGroucho Marx Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
Erma BombeckErma Bombeck Behind every great man there stands a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind.
Bill ClintonBill Clinton I’m just a fun guy.
Post MalonePost Malone When I do something stupid with money and lose it, I call that Stupid Tax. I have paid so much Stupid Tax that I am expert.
Dave RamseyDave Ramsey No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
Erma BombeckErma Bombeck Whenever someone refers to me as someone “who happens to be black,” I wonder if they realize that both my parents are black. If I had turned out to be Scandinavian or Chinese, people would have wondered what was going on.
Thomas SowellThomas Sowell