Funny Quotes
People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
George CarlinGeorge Carlin Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
Groucho MarxGroucho Marx When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.
Robin WilliamsRobin Williams The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Theodore RooseveltTheodore Roosevelt I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more people.
Mitch HedbergMitch Hedberg If you’re going to be a writer you have to be one of the great ones. After all, there are better ways to starve to death.
Gabriel García MárquezGabriel García Márquez Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.
Leonardo da VinciLeonardo da Vinci What’s really funny about being National Youth Poet Laureate is that not everyone even knows it exists.
Amanda GormanAmanda Gorman I think I have an inner confidence that my tastes are pretty simple, that what I find funny finds a wide audience.
Rowan AtkinsonRowan Atkinson People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Joan RiversJoan Rivers First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
Steve MartinSteve Martin I’m smart and I can be really funny and interesting and I can go toe-to-toe with anybody in a conversation.
Megan FoxMegan Fox It’s funny: I don’t listen to too much rap. I don’t listen to too much older hip-hop. If I do, it’s Ja Rule.
KehlaniKehlani We must be allowed to insult each other.
Rowan AtkinsonRowan Atkinson Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill CosbyBill Cosby If more government is the answer, then it was a really stupid question.
Ronald ReaganRonald Reagan