My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller self-pity is better than none.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller When you are with your friends, control your tongue.
Stuart PetersonStuart Peterson And you have fast become my weakness, even as you remain my source of strength.
Alma-May NoaAlma-May Noa No one else is on your path so why should their limits be?
Elezabeth SymondElezabeth Symond I heard many tongues in many languages saying that people cannot be Gods, and that’s a given. But what if people don’t know what was given to them?
Nikol MejdnNikol Mejdn Pride – it screams a lot louder than love sometimes.
L.T. PhoenixL.T. Phoenix Messed up people even see the beauty in all the shitty places.
Lara-LeanLara-Lean
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