Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller Comedy is tragedy revisited.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis DillerPhyllis Diller When you are with your friends, control your tongue.
Stuart PetersonStuart Peterson And you have fast become my weakness, even as you remain my source of strength.
Alma-May NoaAlma-May Noa No one else is on your path so why should their limits be?
Elezabeth SymondElezabeth Symond I heard many tongues in many languages saying that people cannot be Gods, and that’s a given. But what if people don’t know what was given to them?
Nikol MejdnNikol Mejdn Pride – it screams a lot louder than love sometimes.
L.T. PhoenixL.T. Phoenix Messed up people even see the beauty in all the shitty places.
Lara-LeanLara-Lean
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