Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
PHYLLIS DILLERIf your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
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Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
PHYLLIS DILLER