By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
PHYLLIS DILLERBy far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
PHYLLIS DILLERYou’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!
PHYLLIS DILLERI once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
PHYLLIS DILLERI admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
PHYLLIS DILLERI’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
PHYLLIS DILLERI asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
PHYLLIS DILLERI’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
PHYLLIS DILLERself-pity is better than none.
PHYLLIS DILLERI never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
PHYLLIS DILLERI don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
PHYLLIS DILLERI spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLERTranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
PHYLLIS DILLERTo get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
PHYLLIS DILLERA terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
PHYLLIS DILLERIf my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
PHYLLIS DILLER