It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
PHYLLIS DILLERself-pity is better than none.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
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The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads… I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said ‘Grab the blade!
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A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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You’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!
PHYLLIS DILLER