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self-pity is better than none.

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The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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Down Head Kwwp Laugh Pro Real Reson See Tell
I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Buddhism Depth Feng Numerous Straight Technology Transcendental Work
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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Bachelor Guy Made Mistake Once Some
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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Hate Mingle Moher Once Orphanage Told Took
I was the world’s ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads… I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said ‘Grab the blade!
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Ask Baby Folk Head Hospital Leave Mother Over Photo Sack Ugliest
If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
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Enough Laugh Wrinkle
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Always Children Choose Home Nice One Rest
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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Christmas Day Job Look Next Office Party
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Away Children Home Keep Only Parent Some Thing Threaten
They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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Country Discover Elect Eyewear Just Measurement People Person
I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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Karate Look Overpower Perfume Sick
It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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Bed Course Fang Gone Mad Month Three True Was Year
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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Afford All Children Move Them Thing Want
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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Brisk Excercise Good Idea Sit
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
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Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Curve Set Smile Straight

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