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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

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Any Argument Bank Been Cab Country Just Robbed Three Time

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If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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