I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
PHYLLIS DILLERThey just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
PHYLLIS DILLER