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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

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Country Discover Elect Eyewear Just Measurement People Person

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Come How Feel Me Old Rear See Should
The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Body Doctor Hope Look Reincarnation Said Yes
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Curve Set Smile Straight
I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
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Cloth Doctor Go Look Love Man Say Take
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Back Do Go More Than
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Christmas Day Job Look Next Office Party
There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bake Buildup Crud Cupcake Open Roo Single Such
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Blouse Once Peekaboo People Peek Too Wore
All mothers are working mothers.
PHYLLIS DILLER

All Mother Working
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Down Head Kwwp Laugh Pro Real Reson See Tell
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Begin Else Everything Fal Maybe Out Spread Start True Wear
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Admit Away Boyfriend Drive Forty Live Mile Sex Tremendous
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Best Eat Getmrid Kitchen Odor Out Way
If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Enough Laugh Wrinkle
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Also Career Felt Husband Marriage Mix Work
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bedroom Dead Nickname Nothing Happen Sea Waterbed

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