Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
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I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLER