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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.

Norm MacDonald

As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
NORM MACDONALD

Body Heart Occasion Passion Soul Tranquility
Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
NORM MACDONALD

Believe Discover Life Moon Yourself
Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
NORM MACDONALD

Choice Deep Enemy Love Philosophy
I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
NORM MACDONALD

Comedy Identity Joke Myself Perfection
The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
NORM MACDONALD

Compliment Confidence Friendship Greatness Young
During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
NORM MACDONALD

Condition Deserve Misfortune Ourselves
Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
NORM MACDONALD

Dog Friendship Funny Home Ideas Man See Thrill Walk Yourself
Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
NORM MACDONALD

Afraid Destroy People Trust
When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
NORM MACDONALD

Battle Courageous Defeat Failure Hero Himself Lost Man Sick
I don’t have any ambition.
NORM MACDONALD

Ambition Myself One Liner
Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
NORM MACDONALD

Best Mindset Praise Success
Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
NORM MACDONALD

Correct Discover Improvement Mistake Yourself
I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
NORM MACDONALD

Cook Intelligence Man Myself Thankful Woman
In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
NORM MACDONALD

Adversity Dangerous Escape Reason Suffering Understand
Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
NORM MACDONALD

Philosophy Prejudice Reason Strong Weakness
When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
NORM MACDONALD

Acceptance Audience Goodness People

I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.

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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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