I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
NORM MACDONALDI want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
NORM MACDONALD