The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
NORM MACDONALDIn math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
NORM MACDONALD