In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
NORM MACDONALDReason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
NORM MACDONALD