I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
LILY TOMLINWhy is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They’d eaten each other.
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Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers.
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We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
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What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.
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The road to success is always under construction.
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Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.
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Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.
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The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.
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Being a New Yorker is never having to say you are sorry.
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I try to be cynical, but it’s so hard to keep up.
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Infinity is just time on an ego trip.
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If life is so meaningless, then why are we always bringing it up?
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I wanted to be a stage actress. I wanted to be a New York actress and have a community with other actors. I didn’t want to get famous; I always thought getting famous was a drag on you.
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I have always felt that humor was a wonderful vehicle to let us become connected with each other and ourselves; I try to portray the similarities and polarities in men and women, so that we can acknowledge and embrace our collective consciousness.
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We are all in this together, by ourselves.
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No matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.
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Wouldn’t it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.
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In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone
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The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
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Remember we’re all in this alone.
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Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest – then we can all die laughing.
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Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
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You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what’s current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.
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Exercise is for people who can’t handle drugs or alcohol.
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The best mind-altering drug is the truth.
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I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.
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