When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.
LILY TOMLINIf evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
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The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
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I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.
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After all, in private, we’re all misfits.
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I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.
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You are what you think, geez, that’s frightening.
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Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.
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Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?
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Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.
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I wanted to be a stage actress. I wanted to be a New York actress and have a community with other actors. I didn’t want to get famous; I always thought getting famous was a drag on you.
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For fast-acting relief try slowing down.
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I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
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Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
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Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
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Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
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The road to success is always under construction.
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We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
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The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.
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When I’ve had a meltdown, people will say to me, “Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor.”
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Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
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If trying harder doesn’t work, try softer.
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I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it’s much too confining.
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In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone
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There’s so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
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What if it’s boring – or if it’s not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.
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I was always drawn to more the social-expression-of-culture types.
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