If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
LILY TOMLINYou are what you think, geez, that’s frightening.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
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Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.
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I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
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When I’ve had a meltdown, people will say to me, “Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor.”
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The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
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I guess if people couldn’t profit from war I don’t think there would be war.
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I still believe that sex is dirty. It’s just that now I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.
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We are all in this together, by ourselves.
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I wanted to be a stage actress. I wanted to be a New York actress and have a community with other actors. I didn’t want to get famous; I always thought getting famous was a drag on you.
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I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
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I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
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I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it’s much too confining.
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Having a real public outlet is how you imprint something for yourself. It’s just a matter of timing. It’s like you’ve marked your territory.
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I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.
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Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
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Truth is, I’ve always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.
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If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
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I have always felt that humor was a wonderful vehicle to let us become connected with each other and ourselves; I try to portray the similarities and polarities in men and women, so that we can acknowledge and embrace our collective consciousness.
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After all, in private, we’re all misfits.
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Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers.
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In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone
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Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?
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If you can’t be direct, why be?
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If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?
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For fast-acting relief try slowing down.
LILY TOMLIN