We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

Lily Tomlin

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I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
LILY TOMLIN

Myself Thinking Worry
I have always felt that humor was a wonderful vehicle to let us become connected with each other and ourselves; I try to portray the similarities and polarities in men and women, so that we can acknowledge and embrace our collective consciousness.
LILY TOMLIN

Collection Conscious Feeling Humor Vehicle Wonderful
Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
LILY TOMLIN

Form Intelligence Life Universe Yourself
I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
LILY TOMLIN

Home Myself Teacher Thinking
If you have a dog or a cat, you know how developed they can be. How sensitive, how aware. They suffer. We all do.
LILY TOMLIN

Cat Development Dog Sensitive Suffering Yourself
The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
LILY TOMLIN

Company Earth Name Phone Standard
If trying harder doesn’t work, try softer.
LILY TOMLIN

Hard Inspirational Motivational Perspective Soft Try
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
LILY TOMLIN

Beautiful Funny Hairs Library Truth
But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money.
LILY TOMLIN

Cost Live Money People Reason
My politics are just inclined to be empathetic and humanistic. I grew up with so many different kinds of people with different politics, different religion, no religion, no politics, education, no education, and I was infatuated with all of them.
LILY TOMLIN

Education Empathy Growth Human Kind Myself Politics Religion
When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.
LILY TOMLIN

Better Cry Feeling Happiness Laughter Price Sad
For fast-acting relief try slowing down.
LILY TOMLIN

Down Fast relief Slow Try
The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.
LILY TOMLIN

Belief Better Possible Start World
You can’t expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it’s a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way.
LILY TOMLIN

Big Confusion Deep Direction Expectation Leaving Right Understand Way
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
LILY TOMLIN

Believe Freedom Hands Man Reason Sex Walk
In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone
LILY TOMLIN

Alone Feeling Heart Mindset Myself Night
I try to be cynical, but it’s so hard to keep up.
LILY TOMLIN

Hard Myself Try
I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.
LILY TOMLIN

Beautiful Life Myself Pervert Thinking
I was always drawn to more the social-expression-of-culture types.
LILY TOMLIN

Culture Expression Myself Social Type
After all, in private, we’re all misfits.
LILY TOMLIN

One Liner Privacy
Wouldn’t it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.
LILY TOMLIN

Greatness Growth World
We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
LILY TOMLIN

Care Company Phone
Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
LILY TOMLIN

Feeling Imagination Myself
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
LILY TOMLIN

Myself Success World Worry
Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain.
LILY TOMLIN

Complain Human Invention Language
I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
LILY TOMLIN

Complain Deep Development Language Need Personal
If life is so meaningless, then why are we always bringing it up?
LILY TOMLIN

Hypocrisy Life Meaning

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

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We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

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