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We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

Lily Tomlin

Truth is, I’ve always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.
LILY TOMLIN

Difference Integrity Myself Past Truth
I have always felt that humor was a wonderful vehicle to let us become connected with each other and ourselves; I try to portray the similarities and polarities in men and women, so that we can acknowledge and embrace our collective consciousness.
LILY TOMLIN

Collection Conscious Feeling Humor Vehicle Wonderful
When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.
LILY TOMLIN

Better Cry Feeling Happiness Laughter Price Sad
I was always drawn to more the social-expression-of-culture types.
LILY TOMLIN

Culture Expression Myself Social Type
Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
LILY TOMLIN

Adult Country Election Hard Work
For fast-acting relief try slowing down.
LILY TOMLIN

Down Fast relief Slow Try
If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.
LILY TOMLIN

Book Hypocrisy Reading View Yourself
Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.
LILY TOMLIN

Help Myself Thinking Trouble Worst
Maybe if people started to listen, history would stop repeating itself.
LILY TOMLIN

History Listening People Repeat Start Stop
Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pocket – The road to success is always under construction.
LILY TOMLIN

Construction Hands Ladder Road Success
What goes up must come down. But don’t expect it to come down where you can find it.
LILY TOMLIN

Expectation Philosophy Yourself
I guess if people couldn’t profit from war I don’t think there would be war.
LILY TOMLIN

Myself People Profit Thinking War
No matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.
LILY TOMLIN

Change Enough Myself Transformation
9 to 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn’t really happened, but it has come closer.
LILY TOMLIN

Equality Money Pay People Work
The road to success is always under construction.
LILY TOMLIN

Construction Inspirational Road Success
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
LILY TOMLIN

Complain Invention Language Man Satisfaction
Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
LILY TOMLIN

Name Top Yourself
I still believe that sex is dirty. It’s just that now I wouldn’t have it any other way.
LILY TOMLIN

Believe Dirty Myself Sex
I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it’s much too confining.
LILY TOMLIN

Life Myself Reality Small Style
The best mind-altering drug is the truth.
LILY TOMLIN

Best Drugs Mindset One Liner Truth
Growing up in Michigan was fine, until I realized where I was.
LILY TOMLIN

Born Growth Myself Place
If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?
LILY TOMLIN

Beautiful Hairs Library Woman
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
LILY TOMLIN

Believe Freedom Hands Man Reason Sex Walk
Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest – then we can all die laughing.
LILY TOMLIN

Death Laughter Smart Survive Work
Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?
LILY TOMLIN

Feeling Mindset Yourself
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
LILY TOMLIN

Hard Time Struggle Worst
You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what’s current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.
LILY TOMLIN

Funny Hard Interest Talk Yourself

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

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We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

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