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Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?

Lily Tomlin

After all, in private, we’re all misfits.
LILY TOMLIN

One Liner Privacy
I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
LILY TOMLIN

Myself Thinking Worry
Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
LILY TOMLIN

Leadership Reality Touch
Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest – then we can all die laughing.
LILY TOMLIN

Death Laughter Smart Survive Work
Being a New Yorker is never having to say you are sorry.
LILY TOMLIN

Place Sorry Yourself
I was always drawn to more the social-expression-of-culture types.
LILY TOMLIN

Culture Expression Myself Social Type
In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone
LILY TOMLIN

Alone Feeling Heart Mindset Myself Night
Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.
LILY TOMLIN

Lying Make Up True Yourself
The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
LILY TOMLIN

Company Earth Name Phone Standard
I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.
LILY TOMLIN

Beautiful Life Myself Pervert Thinking
I feel some part of me can wake up and be very existential and the next day wake up and be sort of in love with the universe.
LILY TOMLIN

Existence Feeling Love Universe Wake Up
When I’ve had a meltdown, people will say to me, “Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor.”
LILY TOMLIN

Failure Humor Myself People Talk Yourself
What if it’s boring – or if it’s not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.
LILY TOMLIN

Boredom Hide Reveal Worst
You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what’s current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.
LILY TOMLIN

Funny Hard Interest Talk Yourself
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
LILY TOMLIN

Career Important Myself Regret
The larger picture is really to swing people’s awareness of what really is moral.
LILY TOMLIN

Moral People Photograph
There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.
LILY TOMLIN

Death Feeling Sex
If trying harder doesn’t work, try softer.
LILY TOMLIN

Hard Inspirational Motivational Perspective Soft Try
Truth is, I’ve always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.
LILY TOMLIN

Difference Integrity Myself Past Truth
I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They’d eaten each other.
LILY TOMLIN

Animal Eat Food Funny Myself
If you can’t be direct, why be?
LILY TOMLIN

Direct Yourself
Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers.
LILY TOMLIN

Form Intelligence Life Lose Play Share Space Win
Every day I read the newspapers, and no matter how cynical I get, it’s imposssible to keep up.
LILY TOMLIN

Impossible Myself News Reading
I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
LILY TOMLIN

Complain Deep Development Language Need Personal
If you have a dog or a cat, you know how developed they can be. How sensitive, how aware. They suffer. We all do.
LILY TOMLIN

Cat Development Dog Sensitive Suffering Yourself
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
LILY TOMLIN

Beautiful Funny Hairs Library Truth
The best mind-altering drug is the truth.
LILY TOMLIN

Best Drugs Mindset One Liner Truth

Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?

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Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?

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Popular Authors

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