Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
LILY TOMLINWhen we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis!
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.
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Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
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Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
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If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
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I wanted to be a stage actress. I wanted to be a New York actress and have a community with other actors. I didn’t want to get famous; I always thought getting famous was a drag on you.
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Exercise is for people who can’t handle drugs or alcohol.
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There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.
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No matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.
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The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.
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There’s so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
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Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
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After all, in private, we’re all misfits.
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I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.
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If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?
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Growing up in Michigan was fine, until I realized where I was.
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Maybe if people started to listen, history would stop repeating itself.
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What if it’s boring – or if it’s not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.
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I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.
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9 to 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn’t really happened, but it has come closer.
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It’s a more ridiculing, divisive humor today.
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Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.
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If trying harder doesn’t work, try softer.
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What goes up must come down. But don’t expect it to come down where you can find it.
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People hire me to create some kind of archetype or some culture type, or something. I guess they accept whatever I come up with.
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I guess if people couldn’t profit from war I don’t think there would be war.
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I feel some part of me can wake up and be very existential and the next day wake up and be sort of in love with the universe.
LILY TOMLIN