“What goes up must come down. But don’t expect it to come down where you can find it.”

People hire me to create some kind of archetype or some culture type, or something. I guess they accept whatever I come up with.

Truth is, I’ve always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.

To me, “sexual freedom” means freedom from having to have sex.

I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it’s much too confining.

The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.

The road to success is always under construction.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Growing up in Michigan was fine, until I realized where I was.

I still believe that sex is dirty. It’s just that now I wouldn’t have it any other way.

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain.

Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?

Books are like mirrors: if a fool looks in, you cannot expect a genius to look out.

You cannot plant an acorn in the morning, and expect that afternoon to sit in the shade of an oak.

The secret to happiness is having low expectations.

Act without expectation.

An irresponsible person is a person who makes vague promises, then breaks his word, blames it on circumstances and expects other people to forgive it.

Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.

Black and Third World people are expected to educate white people as to our humanity.

Expectations are a form of first-class truth: If people believe it, it’s true.