Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
LILY TOMLINIf truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
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I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
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The road to success is always under construction.
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Wouldn’t it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.
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Being a New Yorker is never having to say you are sorry.
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The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.
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But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money.
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When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.
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We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
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Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
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We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
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I wanted to be a stage actress. I wanted to be a New York actress and have a community with other actors. I didn’t want to get famous; I always thought getting famous was a drag on you.
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I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
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Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
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I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They’d eaten each other.
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Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.
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We are all in this together, by ourselves.
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Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest – then we can all die laughing.
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Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
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If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
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I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
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Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
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I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.
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I worry about kids today – because of the sexual revolution, they’re going to grow up and never know what “dirty” means.
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The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
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Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.
LILY TOMLIN