The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
LILY TOMLINThe start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.
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I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it’s much too confining.
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If life is so meaningless, then why are we always bringing it up?
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Exercise is for people who can’t handle drugs or alcohol.
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But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money.
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I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
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I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They’d eaten each other.
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We are all in this together, by ourselves.
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In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone
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If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
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Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?
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I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.
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I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
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If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?
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I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
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The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
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After all, in private, we’re all misfits.
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I guess if people couldn’t profit from war I don’t think there would be war.
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If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
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If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.
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We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
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We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
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What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.
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When I’ve had a meltdown, people will say to me, “Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor.”
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It’s a more ridiculing, divisive humor today.
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I worry about kids today – because of the sexual revolution, they’re going to grow up and never know what “dirty” means.
LILY TOMLIN