“Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.”

I still believe that sex is dirty. It’s just that now I wouldn’t have it any other way.

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain.

Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?

If you have a dog or a cat, you know how developed they can be. How sensitive, how aware. They suffer. We all do.

We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.

When I’ve had a meltdown, people will say to me, “Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor.”

You can’t expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it’s a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way.

The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.

I try to be cynical, but it’s so hard to keep up.

Wouldn’t it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.

9 to 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn’t really happened, but it has come closer.

Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.

Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.

There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.

If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.

The stronger the winds, the deeper the roots, and the longer the winds, the more beautiful the tree.

It’s pretty hard being a tennis player and Mother Theresa at the same time and that’s just the way it is.

Struggle is, at times, inevitable; survival is, most times, a choice.

When you’re going through tough moments, you never know when you’re going to have good moments.

In a 50 mile radius around Chicago one can see the red aura of pain, agony, terror, anger from all the animals being butchered there.

There’s more to life than this. There’s more to life than this. Although it doesn’t seem like it, there’s more to life than this.

Work hard, but make time for your love, family and friends. Nobody remembers PowerPoint presentations on your final day.

We Are Bulletproof: The Eternal’ demonstrates that we will keep going despite the difficulties. It reveals our ego.