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I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”

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Believe Parent Ugly

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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Funny Herself Stupidity Understand War World
I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
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Alone Company Myself
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
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Funny Run Smile Time
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Eat Food Yourself
If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
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Deal Laugh Yourself
You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
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Deep Fun Funny Old Work Yourself
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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Enjoyment Fast Life Stay Strong Wrong
If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Fashion Military Ugly Yourself
Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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Age Hard Move Old Target
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
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Date Fashion Marriage Mom Myself
Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
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Forget Herself Movie Remember Role
With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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Age Female Need Wisdom Yourself
Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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Advice Feeling Goodness Mindset Thinking Wisdom Yourself
Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
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Blame Head Heart Love Myself Sex
Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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Attraction Change Death Greatness People Place Thinking Young
Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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Process Worry

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