She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
JOAN RIVERSI was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
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Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
JOAN RIVERS