“If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.”

Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”

My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.

Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.

Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.

If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.

I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.

You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.

Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.

Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.

I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.

Make-up sex, as treacherous as it can be, becomes this fun and playful thing versus this really intense thing. To me the song feels playful.

If we do not do something to help these creatures, we make a mockery of the whole concept of justice.

One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun.

I’m just here for good times, man. I want people to have the best time ever. Especially if they’re around me.

There is a certain enthusiasm in liberty, that makes human nature rise above itself, in acts of bravery and heroism.

I have fun with my clothes onstage; it’s not a concert you’re seeing, it’s a fashion show.

It’s so much more fun to watch FOX when it’s someone else being blitzed & sacked!

Remember that everyone deserves some fun during working hours.