“I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.”

Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?

Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?

I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’

To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.

One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.

With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”

Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.

The amount of things I have been through and the remarkable ways in which the body has reacted is just phenomenal. No wonder I became religious, because you don’t know why something’s happening to you and you don’t know how you bounced back.

The good Lord added an extra dash of forehead when making me.

Let me make something clear: I can’t do anything in particular to make others laugh. I do what is necessary for a character. The body language of the character may make others laugh.

Without God, life is like a school without a teacher. It is a wire with no current passing through it; it is a body with no soul.

When I was a little kid, I simply loved music and enjoyed expressing myself with my body.

Never believe that body is permanent. Body is like a water bubble. Mind is like a mad monkey.

We need to do a cleansing process within ourselves. In sleep we get rid of fatigue, but the deeper stresses remain in our body. Sudarshan Kriya cleanses the system from the inside. The breath has a great secret to offer.

Melody has a certain way that it projects back to you. It triggers certain nerves in your body and certain instincts that normally wouldn’t be triggered by a normal voice.