Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
GEORGE BURNSI can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.
More George Burns Quotes
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I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.
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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
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Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
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Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
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Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.
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It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
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I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
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I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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At my age flowers scare me.
GEORGE BURNS






