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I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.

George Burns

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
GEORGE BURNS

Age No Out Women Worth
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
GEORGE BURNS

Bad Busy Country Cut Drive Hair Know People Run Taxicab
I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
GEORGE BURNS

Age Cigar Holder Just Now Put Thrill
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
GEORGE BURNS

Boy Dead Only Sea Sick
I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNS

Age Anywhere Please Simple
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
GEORGE BURNS

Begining Close End Good Have Possible Secret Together
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
GEORGE BURNS

Down Finally First Forget Name Net Pull Zipper
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
GEORGE BURNS

All Bad Country Cut Hair Know People Run Taxicab Too
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GEORGE BURNS

Act Fake God Honesty Inside
If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.
GEORGE BURNS

And Bad Enough Good IT Pay Script
I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.
GEORGE BURNS

Believe Besides Book Die Down Exist New Now
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
GEORGE BURNS

Drink Drunk Fourteenth Remember Take Thirteen Trouble
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
GEORGE BURNS

Came Down Everything Goes Time Up When
You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
GEORGE BURNS

Down Else Get Stoop While Wonder
I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
GEORGE BURNS

Access Failure Hate Rather Something
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
GEORGE BURNS

Air Clean Dirty Remember Sex

I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.

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I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.

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