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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
GEORGE BURNS

Bad Cigar Depend Good Handle Happiness Much Woman
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
GEORGE BURNS

Came Down Everything Goes Time Up When
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
GEORGE BURNS

Down Finally First Forget Name Net Pull Zipper
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
GEORGE BURNS

One Spent Sunday Town Year
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.
GEORGE BURNS

Ask Avoid Important Longevity Most Say Single Tension
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
GEORGE BURNS

Age Ninty Pool Sex Shoot Tope
I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.
GEORGE BURNS

Afford Die Lose Money Much Too
If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
GEORGE BURNS

Age Die Few Got Hundred Made One Past People Very
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
GEORGE BURNS

Age No Out Women Worth
I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
GEORGE BURNS

Age Cigar Holder Just Now Put Thrill
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
GEORGE BURNS

Air Clean Dirty Remember Sex
This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.
GEORGE BURNS

Book Guy Raed Sixth Two Written
It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNS

Anywhere Eight Good Here Ninty
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GEORGE BURNS

Act Fake God Honesty Inside
At my age flowers scare me.
GEORGE BURNS

Age At Flower My Scare
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
GEORGE BURNS

Be Know Learn Quick Wise
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
GEORGE BURNS

Begining Close End Good Have Possible Secret Together
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
GEORGE BURNS

Five Pimple Retirement Ridiculous Sixty
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
GEORGE BURNS

Another Care City Close Family Happiness Knit Large Love
You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GEORGE BURNS

Fake Got Honest That Trouble
I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.
GEORGE BURNS

Because Future Go Life Look Rest Spend
If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.
GEORGE BURNS

And Bad Enough Good IT Pay Script
Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
GEORGE BURNS

Bed Make Money Stay
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
GEORGE BURNS

Better Failure Hate Honesty Something Success
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
GEORGE BURNS

Age Fidteenm Cigar Hold Smoke Something
You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
GEORGE BURNS

Down Else Get Stoop While Wonder
The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GEORGE BURNS

Fake Got Honesty Important Made Most Thing

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