“In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.”

To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.

Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.

If you’re going to America, bring your own food.

Polite conversation is rarely either.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

Problem solving, and I don’t mean algebra, seems to be my life’s work. Maybe it’s everyone’s life’s work.

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Boys like Peter are afraid of alot of things, like nuclear annihilation and flunking algebra, but they’re not afraid of wolves.

Once I got down arithmetic and a little bit of algebra, I think I checked out. As I’ve gotten older, I think there’s a lot more relation to math.

…A strange art – music – the most poetic and precise of all the arts, vague as a dream and precise as algebra.