The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
FRAN LEBOWITZAsk your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
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Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word – politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
You’re only as good as your last haircut.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
If you’re going to America, bring your own food.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
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If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
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There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Ifyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
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Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Scientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
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Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
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I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
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Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
FRAN LEBOWITZ