My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often.
EMO PHILIPSSome mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
More Emo Philips Quotes
-
-
The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.
EMO PHILIPS -
When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.
EMO PHILIPS -
My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid…and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.
EMO PHILIPS -
Computers aren’t intelligent, they only think they are.
EMO PHILIPS -
My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother’s hip replacement. Because, you know… You break it, you buy it.
EMO PHILIPS -
I’m not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?
EMO PHILIPS -
You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.
EMO PHILIPS -
I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
EMO PHILIPS -
I don’t know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
EMO PHILIPS -
The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
EMO PHILIPS -
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
EMO PHILIPS -
You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers…damn anthropologists.
EMO PHILIPS -
I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?
EMO PHILIPS -
My girlfriend said, Emo, I’m seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
EMO PHILIPS -
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
EMO PHILIPS