Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck!’
EMO PHILIPSSome mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
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New York’s such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, “I’d like a card.” He says, “You have to prove you’re a citizen of New York.” So I stabbed him.
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You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers…damn anthropologists.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn’t involve a magic spell.
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They have a sign at the beach, “no glass bottles”. I think that’s so the other sand particles don’t feel like underachievers.
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn’t be home until a certain hour.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid…and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
EMO PHILIPS