Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
EMO PHILIPSI’ve always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don’t even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
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Not everybody hates me. Only the people who’ve met me.
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I’ve always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often.
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.
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My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
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The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn’t I see you on television? I said, I don’t know. You can’t see out the other way.
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Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn’t be home until a certain hour.
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I don’t know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I’m fairly confident that I’ll be taken off of it for one.
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn’t involve a magic spell.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
EMO PHILIPS






