Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?
EMO PHILIPSI’ve always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don’t know what he looks like.
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Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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Computers aren’t intelligent, they only think they are.
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You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I’ve never been back to THAT newstand.
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Not everybody hates me. Only the people who’ve met me.
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don’t even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
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My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother’s hip replacement. Because, you know… You break it, you buy it.
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I don’t know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.
EMO PHILIPS