I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
EMO PHILIPSI’ve always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
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Computers aren’t intelligent, they only think they are.
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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One man’s pet-stained carpet is another man’s Twister game.
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Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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My parents were very protective. I couldn’t even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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I don’t know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.
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My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid…and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, how are you going to get into the corners?”
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I’ve always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
EMO PHILIPS